The Two Janets: Operation Shutty Uppy

With the recent notoriety and anger over the Airport Sexual Assault Squad of the TSA, we have all become much more aware of the execrable Janet Napolitano, (mocked as "big sis"), and who heads up the Dept. of Homeland Security.  Her ugly mug now shows up everywhere, promising to protect us from the bad guys, if we will just her goons molest our loved ones.  But she wasn't the original Janet with the itchy trigger finger.

Does  everyone remember Janet Reno: Bill Clinton's attorney general, alligator wrestler, child murderer, and smirking monster face of the federal regime?  Janet The First, front and center.

Will Ferrell as Janet Reno 
in Operation Shutty Uppy

Saturday Night Live did a great parody of Janet Reno, played by Will Ferrell, where he boxed the actual Mayor Giuliani of New York.  As Janet donned the boxing gloves, she told him, "It's time for operation shutty uppy."  The skit perfectly captured her bottomless cruelty and her ability to care not a whit about it.  The point:  Shut up, or I'll kill you.  She meant it, and that was Janet I in a nutshell.

Some younger readers may not know of Janet Reno's heroic exploits in Waco, Texas, in 1993, at the communal home of a whackadoodle cult leader named David Koresh.  She authorized a cross-agency death squad of federales, after a standoff involving deaths on both sides, to go in and kill everything.  She did this by pumping poisonous CS gas into Koresh's large dwelling, setting it on fire, and then machine-gunning the screaming survivors as they exited.  Fifty-four adults and twenty-one children died.  An exciting day for Janet, I'm sure.

Janet I also socked it to a woman who was holding a baby, who happened to be near a fellow who may have had a gun that was slightly too short for federal regulations.  Her F.B.I. hit-man, Lon Horiuchi, shot the woman dead in her house in 1992, along with a child, but was not held liable for his crime.  Another great day for Janet.

Janet Reno was also the hero of Child Protective Services agents everywhere when she sent the now-famous gummint raiding party to kidnap Elian Gonzales at gunpoint in 2000, and accomplish some foreign policy objective with Senor Castro in Cuba.  The classic photo of this encounter, which will stand for all time as the premier symbol of government child protection, is here:

The raid was described in legal documents as follows:

In the pre-dawn hours of April 22, pursuant to an order issued by a federal magistrate, eight SWAT-equipped agents of the Border Patrol's elite BORTAC unit as part of an operation in which more than 130 INS personnel took part approached the house; they knocked, and identified themselves. When no one responded from within, they entered the house. Pepper-spray and mace were employed against those outside the house who attempted to interfere. Nonetheless, a stool, rocks, and bottles were thrown at the agents.

Child protective services at the point of an HK MP-5 submachine gun.  Now THAT'S child protection.  The photo, which horrified America, likely spawned the fevered aspirations of thousands of social workers all across the land:  "If only we had that kind of power....."

So, that is Young Person's Short Guide to Janet I, Janet Reno.  She performed a permanent "Operation Shutty Uppy" on a lot of Americans.

Now, of course, we have a new Janet II at the helm - Janet Napolitano, and a shiny new Gubmint Department for her to run, one that Janet I would have salivated over.  The Department of Homeland Security, which might have even made Mussolini envious, has not had the good fortune to commandeer a nice standoff where women and children can be gunned down in cold blood, but give it time.

Napolitano's TSA Sexual Assault Specialists are the friendly folks bringing you our new enhanced airport security, and much, much more in their own new Operation Shutty Uppy.  If you say anything at the airport, they will haul you away to a place where you can learn to not be so impertinent to your betters.  Unless you are like Neo here in the famous "lobby scene" from The Matrix, where he takes out a small army of security guards, I wouldn't try it. (It only works because every guard misses with every one of the thousands of shots from their sub-machine guns, but that is another story.)

There are more "non-existent" black-op agencies in her department than at the Pentagon.  Most are doing dastardly things in our name, spending billions of our money, and creating world-wide blow back against America by projecting our empire and power around the world in a most unpleasant manner.  All the while, they recoil in mock puzzlement when various foreign nations squawk at being brutalized, dominated, tortured, stolen-from, and manipulated in order to push our will on them.  How dare they complain, the ingrates.

It remains to be seen whether Janet II has the utter ruthlessness and lack of conscience of Janet I, which are necessary to really get it done in this world of Obama tyranny.  I predict that President Obama will put Janet II to the test, and that she'll be making her bones soon, as she steps up to take control of some ghastly project where children will die hideous deaths at her hands.  She will then appear on the news, and say it was for their own good.

Is Janet II Ruthless Enough?

If Janet II can perform to the low standards set by Janet I for cruelty and venality, and then (and this is where the champs show their real colors), react utterly cavalierly and unconcerned, while "taking full responsibility" with a straight face, then her position in the Obama orbit is ensured.

Hey, you gotta check out the Saturday Night Live parody of Reno, with Will Ferrell as Reno and Rudy Giuliani as himself, called "Operation Shutty Uppy.", where she beats up Hizonner the Mayor.  Here is a sound clip.